Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
