his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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