Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
