If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
