need another drink. this is the easiest way
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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