I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
