True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
