me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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