I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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