Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
