No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
