mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
