i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
