i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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