you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
