K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
