I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
