Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
