Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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