we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
