Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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