Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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