I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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