Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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