Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
