Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
