apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
