When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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