hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
