I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
