Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
