So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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