Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
