I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize