That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
