another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
