Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
