I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
