Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
