Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
