thus making me awesome and them whores
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
