Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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