Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
