I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
