That's intense
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need to align my fucking chakras
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
