I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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