In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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