Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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