I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
