its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
