my sisters under your porch take her home
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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