i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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