What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
