There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
