I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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