We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
