Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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