ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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