Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
