I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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