She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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