remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
