Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
