I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
