My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
