He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
